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feel a storm coming...an ARTSTORM!
artstorm
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February 2013
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feel a storm coming...an ARTSTORM! [userpic]
wierd social quirks

I'm very accepting of hugs but I don't know how to give them. I feel like I'm forcing people to hug me and so I don't even try. My solution has been to just open my arms in a "hug invitation" so the person has the option to refuse the hug. sadly I forget to do this most of the time. I also don't seem to be able to have romantic thoughts about women until I'm given explicit permission to do so. I think it has something to do with all those school plays I've done over the years. Constructive feedack appreciated

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I think by romantic feelings I mean that I treat women as gender neutral until I get permission to relate to them as women. But because of relating to them as gender neutral or like one of the guys I am sending social cues that I have no interest in them as women so I very rarely get the permission my stupid brain needs. Its a circle. I'm not percieved as having any interest because I'm waiting for the ok to show any interest but I don't get the ok because of how I'm relating

And by constructive feedback I mean do you think I'm doomed to stay in this pattern?

Re: edit

its generally best not to show interest in girls until they show interest in you. your job is to pick up on when girls are flirting with you. ;]

girls want what they cant have, and dont want what they can have.

you can flirt with girls but you have not care, or have a strong interest, while being very verbal. and thats a fine line.

something like "i know you are attractive and it might be nice to play with you if you wanted to play. but if you dont i could care less because i have lots of other girls to play with."

Re: edit

i think i get those rules but in practice i take them too far, always trying to get concrete confirmation before i can relax. and thinking about it even when i was in a relationship i still didn't fully relax. i was still partially in the mode of treating her more as a person than as a female "notice anything different?" "no." i got my hair done" "oh i didn't notice". i think i may do that with you too and there is nothing really wrong with it in general i just think maybe by being the way i am i am failing to validate the things women value in themselves or something along those lines. i worry more about being respectful to the nth degree than i do about any other aspect of interacting. thats part of why it was so devestating when you and others tell me i am upsetting you when we talk. i think i was in denial for a while but when i was able to process the fact that my intentions and how i affect people are so wildly different i set on this path to figure out some of the reasons for this.